Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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