i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
