My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
