You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
