So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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