i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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