her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I could make wine with my vomit
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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