I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
