That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
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I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
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My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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