He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
