I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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