I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
