he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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