I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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