I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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