And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
