Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
