I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
