i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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