My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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