i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
