Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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