The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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