you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
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