I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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