I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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