Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
