Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
