remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
