my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
sarcasm needs its own font
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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