if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
