I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
