i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
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