I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
