I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize