I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
