I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I did not marry a roomba.
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