South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
