my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
