I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
