He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
