I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
