yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
