There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just pynch a tree in the face
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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