my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
