So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
