Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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