So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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