what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
