He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
drinking out of a sandbucket again
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
