Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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