he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
