Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
