3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
