Goodnight sugar queer
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.