Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.

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  (202): Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up. http://tfl.nu/bgl4
  Replies (11) Good night (1428) Bad night (623)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.

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  (207): I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid. http://tfl.nu/67sh
  Replies (15) Good night (6847) Bad night (748)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga

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  (712): I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga http://tfl.nu/ngoq
  Replies (10) Good night (4728) Bad night (1434)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.

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  (407): It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it. http://tfl.nu/o8fq
  Replies (27) Good night (1053) Bad night (7091)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning

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  (803): Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning http://tfl.nu/hoox
  Replies (25) Good night (4656) Bad night (1149)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man

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  (502): At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man http://tfl.nu/m2kp
  Replies (12) Good night (3141) Bad night (945)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street

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  (724): the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street http://tfl.nu/sbee
  Replies (13) Good night (4609) Bad night (1561)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.

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  (507): All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different. http://tfl.nu/qt7m
  Replies (15) Good night (2686) Bad night (1587)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos

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  (518): Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos http://tfl.nu/5fyh
  Replies (2) Good night (2175) Bad night (882)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Hows that studying goin for you?

  (1-505): View more from New Mexico

  I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil

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  (505): Hows that studying goin for you? (1-505): I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil http://tfl.nu/rkj1
  Replies (5) Good night (1915) Bad night (746)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.

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  (414): Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl. http://tfl.nu/70hc
  Replies (4) Good night (1677) Bad night (690)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.

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  (614): He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again. http://tfl.nu/pqwv
  Replies (3) Good night (1478) Bad night (512)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.

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  (903): I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina. http://tfl.nu/287m
  Replies (2) Good night (953) Bad night (366)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off

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  (603): Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off http://tfl.nu/n0zv
  Replies (1) Good night (430) Bad night (341)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here

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  (602): The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here http://tfl.nu/0qqg
  Replies (4) Good night (901) Bad night (246)

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