True but thats because hes a fetus.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
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So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
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Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!