Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
