youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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