She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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