I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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