I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
