Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
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You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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