And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
