The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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