It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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