I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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