There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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