My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
