I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
