Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
