she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
