Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
