If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sorry about my life...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
