Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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