I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
