Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
one two three fourrrrnication!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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