GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
